You Can’t Get It Done By Doing What You Shouldn’t Do. 

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You Can’t Get It Done By Doing What You Shouldn’t Do is a blunt, practical mirror.

Debbie Morehead’s central argument is simple and slightly uncomfortable: we often work hardest at the very behaviors that sabotage the results we want. That’s why you can be busy, disciplined, even “doing your best”… and still end up with the opposite outcome financial stress, health decline, relationship tension, career dissatisfaction.

The book doesn’t treat “bad habits” like a character flaw. It treats them like a system problem rooted in patterns, unmet needs, learned behavior, triggers, and emotional reactivity. In other words: there is a reason you do what you regret doing.

One of the most freeing lines is:

“The truth is, you don’t have to work hard to get what you actually want.”

Her focus is not “try harder.” It’s “stop doing what’s not working.”
And she keeps bringing the reader back to a powerful pivot question:

“What’s one thing you can stop doing right now that isn’t working for you?”

It’s a book that reads like coaching direct prompts, reflection questions, and practical emotional regulation steps (timeouts, calming, mindfulness/body scan, getting busy) to interrupt reactive patterns before they cost you peace, money, love, and progress.

 

Key lessons through my lens: productivity, efficiency, and leadership

1) Productivity isn’t about doing more. It’s about stopping what drains results

Most people don’t fail because they’re lazy. They fail because they’re leaking time, money, energy, attention.

This book is basically an “Efficiency Audit” in human form.

The productivity punchline is this:
If your inputs are high (effort, hours, stress) and your outputs are low (results, peace, progress), your system is broken.

Try this like a leader:

• Don’t ask: “How can I push harder?”
• Ask: “What am I doing that guarantees the outcome I don’t want?”

CTA: Today, pick one “shouldn’t” behavior and retire it for 7 days.

 

2) Leadership requires self-mastery more than motivation

A line I captured that belongs on a wall for every leader:

“Emotions make a lousy partner… parent… employee… financial coach… nutritionist.”

In leadership, emotional reactivity is expensive:

• You lose credibility
• You damage psychological safety
• You create conflict cycles
• You make poor decisions under pressure

The book’s “control yourself” message isn’t harsh but it’s strategic:

“You cannot control what you do not know or cannot see.”

Leadership strategy: Build a “pause protocol” before you respond.

• If your body is activated (tight chest, racing heart, anger rising), don’t send the email, don’t speak the words, don’t make the call.
• Step away. Regulate. Then respond like a strategist.

 

3) Execution failure is often not a knowledge problem—it’s a pattern problem

I noted five reasons people keep doing what doesn’t work:

1. You think you’re doing what you’re supposed to
2. You don’t know what will work
3. It’s not a priority
4. You’re trying but executing wrongly
5. You’ve given up and settled

From a productivity perspective: this is a diagnostic framework.

Use it like an Efficient Woman tool:
When something isn’t moving your health, finances, business growth ask:
Which of the 5 is it?
Then solve the correct problem, not the loudest one.

• If it’s #3 (not a priority): stop pretending, and renegotiate the commitment honestly.
• If it’s #4 (wrong execution): stop shaming yourself; you need skill-building, practice, feedback.
• If it’s #5 (given up): you need a reset environment, support, and a new identity agreement.

 

4) Your “bad habits” are often protectors, not punishments

This was one of the most psychologically intelligent notes:

“Bad behavior is a result of an unmet need.”

That’s massive for women in leadership because high-capacity women often:

• overwork to feel significant
• overspend to self-soothe
• over-control to feel certain
• people-please to feel connected

So the pattern isn’t random. It’s protecting something.

Productivity reframe:
Stop asking, “Why am I like this?”
Start asking, “What need am I trying to meet the wrong way?”

CTA: Identify your top 2 unmet needs (love/connection, significance, certainty, variety) and write one “healthy replacement behavior” for each.

 

5) The rabbit holes: self-blame vs other-blame both waste your power

This is leadership gold:

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” Robert Anthony

But she also names the other side: “It’s all my fault.” That one leads to shame and collapse.

In leadership and life, both are unproductive coping strategies.

Efficient alternative: Responsibility without shame.

• “What is mine to own?”
• “What is mine to change?”
• “What is mine to communicate clearly?”

 

6) The “timeout” is not avoidance. It’s emotional intelligence in action

One of the most memorable practical tips I captured:

“Go to the bathroom…really, I mean it!”

It’s funny, but it’s also a tactic: physically interrupt the escalation loop.

Efficiency application:
When you’re triggered, you’re not thinking, you’re reacting. The cost is always higher than you estimate.

Your new rule:

• No decisions when flooded
• No texts when heated
• No feedback when activated

Instead:

1. Time-out
2. Calm yourself (breathing, muscle relaxation, body scan, three senses)
3. Get busy (redirect brain chemistry)
4. Return with a plan

That’s executive-level self-management.

 

Practical “Do This This Week” strategies (simple + powerful)

The One Stop List (7-day experiment)

Write one “stop” in each area:

• Money: “I will stop spending when I’m stressed/bored.”
• Health: “I will stop eating while watching TV.”
• Relationships: “I will stop using always/never language.”
• Work: “I will stop complaining and start documenting solutions.”
• Business: “I will stop hiding behind planning and do outreach daily.”

Pick one to focus on for 7 days.

The Trigger-to-Tool Swap

Complete this in 3 lines:

• My trigger is: __________
• My protector/fallback is: __________
• My upgraded response will be: __________

That’s how you turn insight into execution.

 

In closing

If you’re a high-performing woman and you’re tired…tired of “trying,” tired of knowing better, tired of carrying the weight of your own inconsistency this book is a reminder that your breakthrough might not require a new strategy.

It might require a courageous sentence:

“I’m going to stop working so hard at what isn’t working.”

So here’s your challenge:
Name one thing you shouldn’t keep doing. Write it down. Stop it for 7 days.
Then watch what gets lighter and what finally starts moving.

Looking for someone to hold your hand ? sign up for the Accountability pods here